So.
Here I am in Boston.
Bustin' butt, trying to get these interviews in and maintain my sanity.

The drive from NYC to Boston last night was miserable. 5 1/2 hours,
2 hours in nearly stand still traffic from NYC to New Haven, I would
advise against taking the 95 for that stretch, it is always horrendous.

I snapped off a few shots in NYC while I was there. After my interview
at NYU I went uptown to Central Park to the Museum of Natural History
(Care of NYU who gave me a 'city pass' in their admissions package). Very
cool museum, I wish I had more time to look around. I was SO impressed
by the fossils however. I have never seen Dinosaur fossils up close and
in person. Somehow the realization of my own mortality set in looking at the
skeletons. That we are all finite, we are all carbon, and one day we will be
dust and unimportant. We will be forgotten with the sand and all that will
remain of us are text book descriptions of our decade which, other than
the invention of computers will be quite unremarkable I am guessing.

I'm psyched about the election!
We got both the house and the senate! :HOT: Who could ask for more?
Lets hope the Dem's don't fuck it up!

Lots of miserable rain yesterday in NYC, lots of clouds and drizzle.
Boston should prove fun. Spent the night at Arjay's staying up a tad late
and watching a National Geographic documentary on "Alien Species"
(Species that have migrated across the globe and are taking over certain
habitats).. it's an interesting product of globalization. How outside of an
environment of natural predators a plant, insect, or animal can cause such
havok and imbalance in the ecosystem.

Spent a good deal of the trip talking to S* from NYC to Boston --I was thankful,
he kept me up, awake, entertained... I might have otherwise driven off the
bloody road just to spare myself the misery and anxiety of passing 18 wheelers
with 30 feet of spray behind them (it's nearly IMPOSSIBLE to see when passing an
18 wheeler while it is raining).

My new road pet peeve. Truckers who drive the middle lane for shits-and-giggles
while the right hand lane is open, while it's raining and consequently making it EXTREMELY
dangerous to pass them.

Another day in Boston to interview at BU.
Then to NYC Friday night at Braden's.
Then Saturday on a Plane to go to Nashville for work.
Then back Wednesday, Wednesday night going to Philly to stay with Z.
In Philly Thursday and Friday.
Friday night I'll be driving back up to NYC.. I MAY be going to Maine to the
USM Drag show and Trans Day of rememberence. It all depends. Braden
will be in Portland for the drag show so it would make sense that we car
pool.

My grandfather is back in the hospital and not doing good. He has had a
few seizures and currently is battling Pneumonia. I'm quite sure that he'll
be ok, but probably won't live another year. :UGH: More realizations of
mortality.

So that's it. I have to jet.
But. Wanted to update...
:Weee;
~Danielle
( Photos Behind Here )

There is something about the lower west side.
Perhaps it is a feeling that this is one my ancestral homelands,
one of the places my people fled to, within the nooks and crannies
that we have been run out of in Tribeca, The Village, Chelsea, and
the lower east side. I can picture being here, being homeless and
being queer. The smaller buildings, the smaller one way streets hidden
in between the larger avenues gives you this sense of odd safety.
There are many memories to tap into, and it is just that, the wave
of those people, those feelings that I am riding on.

Medical School interview at Yeshiva went well. It is not my first choice,
not even in my top 10, but I would be thankful for any offer I might get.
Beggers can't be choosers and in the world of medical schools and the
intense amount of competition that is involved in the application process
to get a sense that you might get in is in and of itself quite a reward. I
will find out more in January but for now I think that things clicked and that
I made a decent connection with the committee. It was good practice
for some of the bigger schools which are more competitive that I will
be interviewing at in the coming weeks. By the end of this (Temple/UIC)
I think I will have it down, I will be ready for whatever comes to me.

New York is fantastic. There is something magical here. It is like being
part of a giant integral human organism. One that is indiscriminately
multicultural, one that has no care for you unless you can prove to it
that you are worthy of something. New York is a city that doesn't miss
a beat, is at the edge of American Culture, is progressive enough that
anyone can feel safe here except for conservatives (except they too
have their places on the Upper West Side and Wall Street.) There is a
different type of liberalism here that I could get use to being a part of.
New York wouldn't be a bad place to call home, except that I get the
distinct feeling that the winters here are BRUTAL! It feels so much more
exposed than Portland with its wind tunnel alleys.

Astoria is interesting but not quite my speed. Anything that feels remotely
suburban or like it is not the central focus isn't where I want to be.
Brooklyn however has a different feeling. I could live there, there is this
Chic feeling of avantegarde ... a feeling of the intellectuals who have been
in college for 9 years working on their PhD's and writing their first novels,
there is a home there for struggling intellectuals.

But New York is no longer the place that raised Burroughs, Kerouac, Ginsberg.
No it has become a much more brutal, much more capitalist culture. This is
Late Capitalism for sure. There is more marketing, higher rents, more disparity
and less parity in incomes--but maybe it's always been that way. Maybe things
are better now-a-days.. maybe not. But I know that living in Manhattan would
be impossible. But who knows where I will choose to practice or live after
I figure out what it is that I'm doing with my life.

Faces are familiar here in the City. They are friendly in that everyone comes from
away and while I'm sure amongst the crowd are true New Yorkers, it is a feeling
that I have that few people are actually FROM here. And if they are I'm guessing
that they have an attitude altogether different from the rest of us who will always
be outsiders and living off their thriving home.

I could do New York.
But I would have to find something to anchor me here. Some sort of stability.
It is too big for me to take in alone. I would need to be here with something certain,
something that is stable and that I know. Perhaps a partner, perhaps a roommate
that I can trust. There is a feeling of alienation amongst all these people and I'm
quite sure that it is a feeling I will have in Los Angeles too. This is not a place for
warm smiles and friendly conversations. It is a place where you watch your purse,
where you look both ways before crossing, and you are careful to live life like you are
in an urban jungle. I could make it here however if I put my mind to it. There would
be wheeling and dealing. Perhaps it would be a life that is too hard, perhaps I would
not like the person that would become of me in a cut throat environment like this,
perhaps the competitiveness that is the nature of such a populated place would
not be becoming, maybe it is what I fear about such big cities, the thing that I avoid,
I know what I can become (and if I don't, who does)... I know how easy it would
be for me to shut-off any sense of humanity, morality, or feeling that I might have
or hold.. that sense of 'down homeyness' that is so revered in Portland.

I don't want to loose that personability. I think that is what makes me beautiful.
I want to be BIG. But I want to be accessible. I want that more than anything. I
don't want to grow cold or distant, I don't want to grow so big that I am no longer
the person I was when I moved to Portland. I want to grow bigger in heart, but not
in ego. Who knows how that happens, but I know that the few times I have mistaken
myself for a goddess, I have gotten smacked down and so I will try my hardest not
to make that mistake again.

The Diaspora has been hard on me.
These last few weeks my words have left me.
There is no more poetry in my veins.
There are no more stories.
I'm not sure where they went... perhaps they too are in exile.
Perhaps I have cut the umbilical cord from the place that nurtured and fed my stories,
that fed my imagination. Perhaps I have moved out of the magical land of my people,
perhaps I have left the Forest City.. I am no longer an elf.. but instead a wonderer.
Disguised and regarded as common. Perhaps I have begun to believe that myself.

It is hard to hold a unique identity in the amalegum of such a place. At least within
the homogeneity of Portland I was able to articulate my uniqueness in a very good sense.
I was able to dig deep to discern the difference, to articulate it, and to apply some importance
to that idea of struggle. Maybe that has left me now and I am left out here, traveling.

I am busy.
5 cities in 3 weeks.
New York City, Boston, Nashville, Philadelphia, Chicago.
It will be whirlwind.
I will try to get back to my writing.
But for now, I think the Diaspora has taken away from me that magical spark.
Perhaps I will see Kat, or someone else along my journey that will inspire me to
feel again that piece of me that was so magical and so able to articulate things.
Perhaps I will have to go back and reread some of my older posts, my older stories
and work on them.

But. For now.
No poetry.
Only travel and observation.
Only survival.
Only living and setting aside the deep thinking that I could indulge in in my city.

For now.
New York has been good to me, even if I feel odd.
Even if I feel lost.
Even if I feel strange.
It has been good to me.
Stranger-Stranger.
I like you New York. Even if you are bitter and divorced from yourself.
I like you.

~Dannie

Departure: 5:00pm Portland (from Portland Pie Company)
Scott and Kendell gave me a warm send off.

Total Miles traveled: 300 miles.
Time travel: 4.5 hours
Arrival time: 10pm
Breaks: 2 - Best Buy, Pee break
Max Speed: 110mph, Location 10 miles east of Hartford in a drag race
with another Golf.
Average Speed: 80mph.
Time spent at Warp Speed (over 70mph) 4:00hrs.

Leaving Portland was remarkably uneventful. Perhaps because I have left
so many times in the past year, it really felt like just another vacation to New
York, Atlanta, Chicago, LA, Nashville, you name it. I was ready to go and while
I felt somewhat bad as I left (that feeling of the city tugging at my heart) I knew
I was ready. I looked back at the West End disappear as I drove down the
295.

Apollo and I cruised along going quite fast, I have a need for speed. I talked
on the phone for most of the first half of the trip to various people, mostly
folks who have T-Mobil (since I have free mobil to mobil). I have driven the
route to New York about 6 times now, and so it was really familiar and it seemed
like Apollo just cruised himself along easily, I didn't really pay much attention
except at a few spots of heavy traffic.

Before I got to Hartford I started tailing this other Silver VW GTI 1.8T which
was filled with a bunch of men ranging from about 20 to 40. The driver was a
bit older and OBVIOUSLY competative as he would let me pass and then speed
up to pass me. I did some high-speed maneuvering (which would make anyone
else in my car VERY nervous)... I reached a max sustained speed of about 110mph
which tack'd my car out at about 4900 RPMs.. which felt good, to hear Apollo
Purrrr swirving in and out of traffic. Ok, so I'm reckless but I made damn good
time.

Arriving was uneventful, navigated the city streets which were laced with the
crack den's known as strip-malls. :BORING: This part of America seems blightful
that sense of the endless roads lined with strip malls peddling shit. I felt like I
would be happy to hit the Plains states and the open road where there were no
such nuceses.

Arrived. Lots of hugs and kisses.
Exhausted. Watched some CSI and passed out.

Today: Coloring my hair and exploring the city.
Tomorrow: More NYC. More Excitement. More arranging my shit in my car and
finally cleaning it (Apollo needs a good wax polish and vsaccum).

Things are swell. It was a good first day.

~Danielle

Today is officially my last day at work.
Yesterday I officially became homeless (the excitement!),
and tomorrow I start my journey across country.
Am I excited? HELL YES!
Am I scared out of my mind? HELL YES!
But, I think in the end the adventure will be worth it.

My first leg is from Portland, Maine to New York City, NY.
I will be staying with friends in and around the city and
traveling to and from Medical School interviews. My trips
include 2 days in Philly, 2 days in Boston, 1 Day in Hannover,
NH, and of course the NYC interviews.

Staying in Saco with my grandparents and mother has been
really nice. It's nice to have them to 'send me off', everyone seems
so excited that I'm 'finally getting out' of Portland. Both my
grandparents have told me that if they were younger they
would have moved, and that they think they should have
moved after their kids were out of the house. I think everyone
agrees that Maine doesn't have the same economic and educational
opportunities I will find elsewhere. My grandmother keeps on saying
"Do it while you're young and it seems like an adventure, before you
have kids and a family to take care of." She's amazing and it occurs
to me that I take after her 100 %.

Saco itself is somewhat nice to stay in.
Finally there is a period of time where I feel a sense of 'relief'.
I've grown up and out of my anxiety that the city somehow poses a
grave risk to my existance (It could have been all those beat-downs at
Thornton Academy). Saco has lost its teeth after seeing big cities
like LA, NYC, and Chicago this past year. It seems quant and unimportant.
Somehow I almost feel nostolgic about it. Everything so pristine and perfect,
99.6% white people, beautiful old houses, clean streets, everything closes
up at 5pm. It's eerie but amazing.

I drove around last night before heading to my grandparents house,
trying to avoid spending much time there, and scoped out 'old haunts'.
There was this feeling that somehow I needed to be liberated from that
sense of doom that lingered over. That sense of needing to escape at all
costs. I was amused over the fact that Portland ('the big city') has come
to seem the same way --too small. And I wonder when that will ever
cease being the case. Will LA be big enough? NYC? Tokyo?

The drive to New York should take about 5 1/2 hours.
I will be leaving tomorrow sometime in the afternoon.
Tonight I am going out to celebrate with friends. To get drunk.
Cause trouble and say good bye to the city that has kept me
going for these past 8 years. I will be back eventually, but for
now it's time for me to move on.

Adventure awaits.

~Danielle Askini

Today is typically Portland.
Overcast, chilly, fall-like. The temperatures in the past two weeks have
been plummeting noticeably and there is that feeling in the air that it is
time to escape south to warmer weather for the winter.

Terri and I have been packing relentlessly (not). Really she has done 99%
of the packing and I have just been using it as an excuse to be late for
work every morning, where I now sit, collecting my paycheck and doing
little other than cleaning my office which is in fact a full time job.

Today's adventures will include: Numerous calls to doctors, a trip to the ATM
followed by adventures to the Hardware store where I will purchase industrial
grade drain cleaner and a mini-plunger (no, NOT that type of plunger you sick-o's).

Then I will go home. Sit on the crapper while Terri diligently plunges away at
our bathtub drain, splish-splashing in the lake that now occupies our beautiful
tub. I will pout, bitch, moan, and continue to play helpless throughout the whole
event and then make my way to Poetry class where I will present my professor
with a withdrawal slip. I have been waiting to do it for a month now.

Expected date of departure: Tuesday October 31st.
Next Planed Trip: Monday October 23rd - Tuesday October 24th to Great
Barrington in the lovely state of Massachusetts to fight a speeding ticket
I received on the Mass Turnpike in August. :FUN:

Apollo will provide the transport. I will provide the face-peeling speed.
May consider rotating tires before heading down to NYC (as I'm sure everything
is much more expensive there).

Total funds saved: $3,349.- Projected by date of departure, $4,609.
Relatively 3 months worth of living and travel expenses if I starve myself (which
really is not hard to do) and beg people to treat-me-to-everything (which, I do
anyway).

Possible sources for income in next 3 months:
Pan Handling
Selling writing / poetry
Odd jobs at Book Stores & Coffee Shops while I pretend to be 'staying' someplace.
Free lance 'consultancy' work
Whoring (my favorite option really, why work on your feet when you can work on your back?)
Begging friends for Handouts
Mooching off of Friends and Relatives **

Am I nervous?
Fuck Yes!
Will I be fine?
Fuck Yes!

To Do List:
* Track down my mother and make sure I have a place to live when I get to California.
* Call my father and beg for my inheritance early, threaten suicide, insist on renovation of
above garage apartment.
* Umm. Pack everything I own, throw most of it away, give away the rest, and pretend I don't
give a shit about material possessions (I am a Buddhist after all right? But wait, I'm a Jew! Fuck
I'm screwed!)
* Contact friends I intend to stay with along the way, make preliminary plans (which I'm sure will
change 10 times before I actually see them. Guilt them into allowing me to sleep on their couch
and/or their living room floor (will provide own air matress, honest)
* Buy tent and pretend I might use it, really just take up more space in my car.
* Say my good-bye's and "FUCK YOU!!!!"' 's to Portland. *my favorite task so far*

Next Update: "Danielle Askini burned at Stake in Great Barrington, Massachusetts "

Stay tuned